Dan's Little Problem
by BaronOBeefDip
Summary: Sequel to Akuyou. Dan Phantom finds himself the parent of a ghostly baby. Can Dan learn to be a father in time? I changed the title to make it more like the plot.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: Danny Phantom belongs to Butch Hartman. Aliens belongs to 20th Century Fox. This fanfic belongs to me. **

A few days had passed since the incident with Freakshow and Dan. Things were, mostly, back to normal. Well, as normal as things got in the Fenton household. About the only thing out of the ordinary was that Dan, Danny's evil alternate-future self, was recovering at the blatantly obvious home.

"I've got it." Danny called out while answering the door, "Can I help you"

"Is a Mr. Daniel Phantom here?" asked what appeared to be an elderly ghost lawyer of some sort.

The half-ghost blinked, "Um...you mean me or Dan"

"Which one of you is a 24 year old registered psychopath?" the lawyer-ghost asked.

"Oh," Danny replied, "that would be Dan. Um...I'll go get him"

He then floated into the guest room and began to search for his alternate future-self. Dan was currently watching a DVD of Aliens and snickering as if he were watching a comedy instead of a gory horror film. The evil future-ghost frowned slightly when he noticed his past-self standing in the doorway.

"What do you want?" he hissed.

Danny sighed, "There's some sort of ghost-lawyer that wants to talk to you"

"What for?" Dan blinked, "I haven't done anything illegal...yet"

The evil future-ghost then made his way towards the front door where the ghost-lawyer was waiting.

"Ah, Mr. Daniel Phantom," he spoke, "I've been expecting you. Do you mind if I come in"

Dan replied in absolute confusion, "Um...sure...I guess"

The ghost-lawer nods, "Thank you"

Making his way into the home, the ghost-lawyer hovered towards a chair and sat down in it.

"I'm here, Mr. Phantom, for legal custody reasons." spoke the ghost-lawyer as he handed Dan some papers, "I spoke with a client of mine after we did some background checking and research. And, well, we've made quite a stunning conclusion"

Dan read through the papers for a moment. Then, his eyes went wide in shock. His expression was that of absolute surprise and dismay. The evil future-ghost looked as if he had seen something forbidden.

"What is it?" Danny asked breaking the silence, "What's wrong"

His alternate future-self could only stutter, "I-I...I...I'm a father..."

**Author's Notes: Uh-oh, looks like Dan's a daddy. How's he gonna get out of this one? Stay tuned for the next part.**


	2. The Baby Arrives

**DISCLAIMER: Danny Phantom belongs to Butch Hartman. Sylvester and this fanfic belong to me. **

"How could this have happened?" Dan groaned.

The evil-future ghost was at the local Nasty Burger along with Sam, Tucker, and Danny. Danny, of course, was keeping a sharp eye on Dan to make sure he didn't try to destroy it...again.

Tucker replied, "Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much"

"I KNOW THAT!" Dan shouted in annoyance, "I just can't believe that I actually have kid"

He then took a bite out of a hamburger. In fact, it was the 20th hamburger he had that day. The table was covered in empty trays and various fast food wrappers and bags.

"I know one thing." Sam smirked and poked Dan's fat, "If you're going to raise a kid, then you really need to change your eating habits. Your gut is starting to creep onto the table"

Dan looked down at his engorged belly, "So I eat a lot"

"When's the baby coming?" asked Danny.

"Sometime tonight." his psychotic alternate-self replied, "That's all they told me"

"You're scared, aren't you?" asked the half-ghost, "Look, Mom and Dad already said that they'd help you out"

"I'm not scared." Dan scoffed before belching out a few small flames.

"You know," Tucker held his nose from the stench, "your new power is really disgusting"

"Well, we'd better get home." Danny spoke, "It's getting late and I'm sure Mom and Dad can't wait to see their new grandchild"

He then got up and left the restaurant. Dan followed shortly behind lumbering slowly due to having a rather full stomach. The evil future-ghost then belched out more flames in order to make his stomach smaller. That way, he could fit through the door.

When they arrived home, Dan and Danny noticed that Maddie was holding something in her arms.

"Is that..." the evil future-ghost asked.

Maddie nodded, "Dan, come meet your new son"

"It's a boy." Dan smirked slightly, "Can I hold him"

"Of course." his mother replied.

Now, Dan knew next to nothing about babies. So, he picked up his son...and held him upside-down.

"Here." Jack chuckled a little and showed Dan how to hold the baby.

"He has your eyes." Danny smiled and tried to tickle the baby only to be bitten, "OW! And your fangs"

Dan snickered, "That's my boy"

"What is his name?" asked Maddie.

"Um..." the evil future-ghost thought for a moment, "I dunno. Sylvester...I guess"

"Then, Sylvester it is." Maddie nods.

"Just think, Maddie." Jack smiled sadly, "We're grandparents."

**Author's Notes: Aww...Dan's got a baby boy. Thanks for the reviews. The next part is coming soon. **


	3. Food and Diaper Changes

**DISCLAIMER: Danny Phantom belongs to Butch Hartman. Sylvester and this fanfic were created by me for fun. **

"Stop crying..." Dan begged while rubbing his forehead feeling an oncoming headache, "I'll do anything...Just shut up"

However, to his dismay, Sylvester merely continued to wail. Sitting on the couch, the infant's tiny lungs and vocal chords strained to continue his screams. Dan groaned and covered his ears in a vain attempt to silence the cries of his infant son.

"Something wrong?" asked Jazz in concern when she heard her nephew's screams.

"No," came Dan's sarcastic replied, "I like his constant screaming and not knowing what the hell he wants"

"Don't swear in front of the baby." Jazz frowned.

The evil future-ghost sneered, "He doesn't know what I'm saying. All he knows about is screaming and crying"

"Well, maybe it would help if you found out why he was crying." suggested the older sister, "Maybe he's hungry"

"Ok..." Dan blinked, "What do babies eat"

Jazz sighed, "Mom bought some baby food. I'll go get it"

She then heads into the kitchen and got a jar of mashed bananas and a bottle of baby formula for Sylvester to eat. The older-sister opened the jar and scooped some of the mashed bananas into a spoon.

"Is the baby hungry?" Jazz asked in a goofy voice to get Sylvester's attention, "Does our big boy want some yum yums"

"Yum yums?" Dan stared at his ex-sister in absolute disbelief.

Of course, Sylvester merely continued to wail. The baby refused to eat the mashed bananas. Jazz was also unable to feed him the baby formula.

"He's starting to smell..." the evil future-ghost realized just why his son was wailing so much, "Oh"

"Well, he's your son." Jazz laughed nervously, "You should change him"

"Me!?" Dan replied in disbelief, "I don't know how to change a diaper. In case you haven't forgotten...the closest thing to a baby I've ever taken care of is a flour sack"

Frowing, his ex-sister retorted, "Dan, you need to learn to be a responsible parent...and that includes changing stinky diapers in which the contents will probably haunt your already twisted mind for years to come"

Defeated, the evil future-ghost changed his son's diaper. It took several attempts to get it right. He put the diaper on backwards several times. And, he even accidentally placed it on himself somehow. Jazz chuckled slightly only to stop when she noticed the sneer on her ex-brother's face.

"That was easy." Dan scoffed after finally getting it right.

"Dan," Jazz sighed, "raising a child is not an easy task. It's a lot of hard work. I mean, look at you. You've grown fat and lazy these past few days. When you're not eating like a pig, you're sleeping all the time or watching TV. You need to get off your big fat butt and realize that you now have another life to care for. For Pete's sake, your belly has doubled in size since the fight with Freakshow"

Sylvester cooed curiously and poked Dan's swollen gut. He then squealed in delight as his father's belly jiggled slightly  
in response. Dan merely watched in mild amusement.

"He seems to like it." the psychotic poltergeist smirked.

**Author's Notes: Dan's learning how to be a father...awww. And, yes, Dan's current weight problem will come back to haunt him later...(Insert cliched evil grin here) Anyway, thanks for the reviews. The next part is coming soon. **


	4. Bed Time

**DISCLAIMER: Danny Phantom belongs to Butch Hartman. This fanfic and Sylvester belong to me and were made for fun. **

Sylvester was babbling inside his crib while bouncing up and down. Needless to say, his father wasn't exactly enjoying the whole deal. Dan groaned in a mixture of annoyance and exhaustion. His now bloodshot eyes were further proof of just how tired he was.

"Go to sleep...It's three in the morning..." the evil future-ghost groaned, "Daddy's tired"

Of course, his son merely continued with his antics. Moaning in defeat, Dan picked up the child and sat down with him in an old rocking chair. Said chair creaked in protest under Dan's weight.

Sylvester babbled and clung tightly onto Dan's shirt. He then rested his head against his father's chest.

"How am I going to get you to sleep?" Dan mused, "Hmm...maybe I could use a hammer. No, that would just make you scream. That's the last thing I want. I already have a headache. Sleeping powder? Nah, I don't think they sell it at this time at night"

He then picked up a book that Jazz had given him on baby care. Flipping through the pages, the twisted ghost quickly found what he was looking for. An entire chapter on how to get babies to fall asleep.

"To get your child to go to sleep during bedtime," slowly he read from the book, "one thing a parent may want to try is gently rocking the child while singing softly...You've got to be kidding me. But if it'll get you to fall asleep"

Sylvester stared curiously at his father. He began to yawn slightly yet remained wide awake. Dan sighed slightly in response. Singing was definitely not something he wanted to do.

"Rock a bye baby...uh...something to do with trees..." Dan sing softly though he was still a bit off key, "Um...the baby falls...And, I guess the tree falls on him or something...Are you asleep yet"

He smirked when he noticed that Sylvester was finally sound asleep.

"That's my boy." the evil future-ghost smirked, "When you're older, I'll teach you how to destroy buildings and start huge fires and make people beg for mercy right before you tear them apart devour their remains. But, until then, you just sleep."

**Author's Notes: Again, thanks for the reviews. That next part is coming soon so stay tuned.**


	5. Bye Bye Baby

**DISCLAIMER: Danny Phantom belongs to Butch Hartman. Both Sylvester and this fanfic were created by me for the fun of it.**

"What am I doing at a playground?" asked Dan in confusion, "I hate parks, kids, and basically anything to do with humans"

"Yes," Sam replied, "but, you want your kid to have fun, right"

The evil future-ghost rolled his eyes, "Sam, my idea of fun is watching people writhe in agony before I finish them off...or eat them"

Sam winced slightly in disgust and fear. She had nearly forgotten that Danny's other-self was a complete nut case. To him, causing pain and destruction was fun. However, Sylvester seemed to be enjoying the park. He giggled in delight as a butterfly landed on his forehead only to fly off again.

"Your child seems to like it." the goth girl pointed out.

Dan merely rolled his eyes in response. He'd never admit it, even if they tortured him for all eternity, but he was pleased that his son was enjoying himself. The monstrosity of a ghost sat down on the ground under a nearby tree and continued to watch his offspring.

"This is making me sick." he growled slightly, "I'm going to go find something to settle my stomach"

He then got up and left. Sam rolled her eyes and resumed reading the latest issue of some sort or horror magazine. However, as she read, she failed to notice the green gaseous being floating towards Sylvester. It slowly morphed into the form of Bertrand and snatched the baby.

"I'm not sure why Spectra wants a brat like you." he frowned as he flew off, "But, I suppose it must be important"

Sam lowered her magazine and gasped in horror. Sylvester was missing. She began to fear for the child's safety. Yet, even more so, she began to fear for her own safety. After all, Dan was vicious enough when calm. Poor Sam shuddered at the thought of what an enraged fatherly Dan would be like. Most likely, to the goth girl's fears, it would be just like how an angry mother bear acts when she loses her cubs. Vicious, brutal, and savagely violent.

"Well, I couldn't find any antacids and..." Dan said as he returned and noticed his son missing, "WHERE IS HE!? WHERE'S MY SON"

He then grabbed Sam by the throat and snarled. The goth girl gasped for air and choked under Dan's tight grip.

"I-I don't know..." she winced in pain, "Someone took him. I-I didn't see who though"

Dan merely frowned and dropped Sam on the ground. Wincing in pain from landing on her ankle, Sam struggled back onto her feet. Luckily for her, her ankle wasn't sprained or broken. That didn't mean that it hurt any less, however.

Enraged, Dan took a deep breath and unleashed the ghostly wail. The monkey bars, swing set, see-saw, slides, and merry-go-round all flew and collided with one another creating a tangled mess of metal. People of all ages ran for their lives, and many were struck and injured by flying debris.

"Calm down!" Sam shouted trying to keep calm in the situation, "You're not going to find Sylvester by destroying everything in your path"

Unfortunately, Dan merely sneered in response and flew off. Ironically, he headed into the Nasty Burger and sat down on the nearest stool.

"Give me a milkshake." he growled, "And keep 'em coming"

The person behind the counter merely nodded in fear and gave Dan a milkshake. She trembled in fear as she refilled his glass hoping that he wouldn't lose his temper and hurt her...or possibly worse.

Meanwhile, Sam quickly rushed on her motorized scooter towards Danny's house. She knocked on the door and was relieved when Danny opened it.

"What's going on?" he asked in confusion, "Please don't tell me...Dan hurt something"

"Unfortunately, yes." Sam sighed, "Sylvester was kidnapped by someone. And, it really seemed to upset Dan..a lot. He just went nuts. Though, luckily, no one was killed. Though, it'll take them a few months to repair the playground"

"Where is he now?" replied the half-ghost hoping that Dan didn't go on another rampage.

The goth girl answered, "He flew towards the Nasty Burger"

Danny nodded silently. The half-ghost then took Sam by the hand and flew towards the fast food establishment. Upon their arrival, Danny was the first to enter the Nasty Burger with Sam following shortly behind.

"I-I think you've had enough." the person behind the counter whimpered as she hesitantly gave Dan yet another milkshake.

"I'll tell you when I've had enough!" Dan shouted and hiccuped.

Sam and Danny merely stared in absolute awe at the sight of Dan. Sure, he had been a bit chubby from eating too much before. But, now, he was absolutely huge. Danny chuckled at the sight of his alternate future-self becoming ridiculously fat. However, Sam expressed more concern.

"He's upset." the goth girl whispered harshly, "That's why he's eating so much. Great...now I sound like Jazz"

Danny sighed, "So, let me get this straight. Now, we have to save Sylvester, prevent Dan from destroying the world in a blind rage, and also put him on a diet? Actually, we could skip the diet by getting Dan to"

"Belch flames?" Sam finished what Danny was about to say, "Danny, look at him. He's too full...too swollen. Dan's grown so fat that he can barely waddle. Oh, and he also can't belch flames because he passed out from eating too much"

"I am so not rolling him back home." the half-ghost frowned at the sight of his enormous and now out-cold alternate-self.

**Author's Notes: Told ya Dan's eating problem would get the better of him. Poor guy. What does Spectra want with Sylvester? Oh, I'll tell ya...but you'll have to stay tuned to find out. Also thanks for the reviews. Oh, and before I forget, I've decided that I'll allow other fanfic writers to use Sylvester (my OC Fancharacter) in their fanfics...I just ask that you give me credit for the character in return since Sylvester is my fancharacter that I created.**


	6. Exercise

**DISCLAIMER: Danny Phantom belongs to some guy named Butch Hartman. This fanfic and Sylvester belong to me. **

"Why did my parents decide to live in a home that's uphill from Nasty Burger I'll never know." Danny groaned as rolled...yes...rolled Dan back home.

"I know what you mean." Sam replied her voice straining as she helped Danny, "Ugh, Dan must weigh a ton now"

"Good thing he's out cold." mused the half-ghost.

Both the goth girl and the human-ghost hybrid continued to roll Dan towards Fenton Works. Upon their arrival, Danny opened the door and began to pull on Dan's arms while Sam tried to push the evil future-ghost in from behind.

"Ugh," Dan woke up groggily, "Why am I stuck in the doorway"

Danny frowned slightly, "Because you ate at least 100 or so pounds in milkshakes and we had to roll you back home"

"Anyway," Sam spoke, "as soon as we get you through the door, we'll find a way to get you back in shape"

Sam and Danny pushed and pulled until they finally got Dan through the door. They then helped him into the lab where some gym equipment was lying around. For what reason none of them wanted to know. Dan immediately got to work trying to work off the extra pounds he had gained.

"It's gonna take me weeks to burn off all this fat." he growled while he kept on exercising.

The goth girl replied, "Well, that's what you get for eating food that's nothing more than empty calories and high in fat content. Besides, look at it this way. The faster and sooner you work off those extra pounds..the sooner you can find and rescue your son"

Dan merely continued to exercise. Though, he did give Sam a glare that told her that he was not in the mood for any jokes. Minutes slowly crept into hours as the evil future-ghost's stomach gradually began to shrink in size. Apparently, a ghost was capable of losing weight as quickly as it could gain.

"Well, at least now you can fit through the door." Danny mused, "But, you still look like a beached whale."

Of course, Dan managed to belch out a few flames to set his past-self's pants on fire. He merely grinned an evil yet smug smile as Danny screamed in pain.

"And, you're someone whose ass is on fire." Dan laughed sadistically.

**Author's Notes: Again, thanks for the reviews. Poor Danny...well, that's what you get for calling Dan a "beached whale". Anyway, stay tuned for the next chapter coming soon. **


	7. Search Begins Now

**DISCLAIMER: Why are you reading this part? I think by now you should know that Butch Hartman owns Danny Phantom. The only thing I own are this fanfic and Sylvester. **

"Well," Danny spoke as he climbed into the Specter Speeder, "we'd better search the Ghost Zone for Sylvester"

"Why there?" asked Sam while crawling in afterwards.

The half-ghost answered, "You said that Sylvester just vanished, right"

"Yeah...I did"

"Then, there's no way a human could've done it." Danny pointed out, "But, why would anyone want to kidnap Dan's baby is beyond me. I mean, Dan's a complete murderous psychopath. Taking Sylvester away from him is insane"

Dan merely groaned and hiccuped in response. He then squeezed his way into the back of the vehicle.

Sam glanced back at the fire-haired ghost, "Poor guy. He's still upset"

Danny blinked and stared in awe, "Sam, Dan completely lacks any human emotions, remember"

"Look at him." retorted the moody teenager, "Dan has done nothing but mope around since Sylvester vanished. Danny, he's miserable"

"Miserable..." the half-ghost seemed to ponder the word for several minutes, "Miserable? That's it! I know who took Sylvester"

"You do?" Sam asked while Dan merely hiccuped again.

Danny nods, "Yeah. Sam, think about it. Who do we know that thrives off of the misery of others"

"Spectra and Bertrand." Sam answered, "Of course. Sylvester would be upset and scared because he's separated from Dan. And Dan's upset because his child is missing"

The Specter Speeder's engines roared as the vehicle sped into the Ghost Zone. It continued on its course in the ectoplasmic dimension as the three passengers kept a wary eye out for Spectra, Bertrand, or Sylvester. Unfortunately, Dan's thirst for revenge got the better of him as he began to claw at the Specter Speeder's hull in a blind rage.

Danny frowned, "Sam, you think you can calm my crazy future-self down before he accidentally blows the Specter Speeder up and kills us all"

"And, how exactly am I supposed to do that?!" Sam retorted, "Sing him to sleep"

"I don't know." the half-ghost replied as Dan continued his thrashing about, "Just do something"

Sam tried desperately to think of a solution. If she got too close to Dan, he might accidentally kill her in his blind thirst for revenge. Yet, if she didn't do something, he would destroy the Specter Speeder and everyone inside.

"Dan," she asked trying to remain strong though the fear in her voice was quite evident, "are you ok"

Of course, Dan merely let out a low hiss in response. His pupils were dilated, his nostrils flared, and drool trickled down his chin. In Sam's eyes, Dan looked more like a wild animal than a humanoid ghost. It was then that she realized what she needed to do. The goth girl slowly and carefully reached out her hand towards Danny's insane other-self. Should she make any sudden movements, Dan would see it as a threat and tear her apart with out any hesitation.

"Shh...it's ok." Sam whispered quietly while gently scratching behind Dan's ears, "Calm down...it's ok"

Danny merely watched in awe and disbelief as Dan's expression changed from rage to that of someone who was calm and quite content. Yawning, Dan lay down on the floor and soon was sound asleep.

"H-How did you...I mean...he...and...his"

The goth girl smirked, "My cousin has a cat that only stops running around like a nut case if you gently scratch her behind the ears. So, I just decided to try it on Dan. It's a good thing fire-hair doesn't burn"

Yawning, Dan woke up once again, "Huh? What"

"Feeling better?" Sam asked.

"Do you want the truth or whatever answer that will make you happy?" asked Dan.

He then groaned and held his swollen belly before belching out a few flames. Unfortunately, said fire-burp was followed by Dan vomiting onto the floor. And, to make things worse, Dan's vomit was highly acidic causing a hole to rip through the Specter Speeder and cause it to crash onto a floating boulder of some sort.

"And, now Dan's making himself sick." Danny remarked sarcastically, "Great. Not only do I have to repair the Specter Speeder when we get back...I ALSO HAVE TO CLEAN UP GHOST PUKE"

"It's...hic...not...urp...my...fault..." Dan groaned while his gut rumbled loudly before he emitted a loud and sickening belch, "My...urp...hic...body...hic...isn't used to these worthless emotions that I'm once urp...again...urp...stuck with"

"Emotions give you gas?" Danny spoke in disbelief during another one of Dan's fire-burps.

"And idigestion..." Dan groaned and held his gut in pain.

**Author's Notes: Poor Dan...he gets bad indigestion and gas when he's upset. It's no wonder he hates having emotions. Anyway, thanks for the reviews. Stay tuned everybody!**


	8. Rescue

**DISCLAIMER: Danny Phantom belongs to Butch Hartman. Sylvester and this fanfic belong to me. **

"Hello!" Danny called out, "Spectra? Bertrand!? Come out now! I know you took Sylvester"

Oddly enough, Bertrand appeared before them almost immediately. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked completely exhausted. Sylvester was in his arms babbling and giggling.

"Here!" the green blob-like ghost handed over the infant to Danny, "Just take him already"

"What? No hostage? No fights?" Sam asked wondering if this was some sort of trap.

"NO!" Bertrand shouted, "Jeez, all that brat did was scream nonstop. I thought my ears were going to melt off of my head! Spectra grew so sick of it that she ordered me to give him back right away"

"Ok, thanks...I think..." the half-ghost blinked.

Dan smirked and gently pat Sylvester on the head. He then grinned evilly and looked over at Bertrand. Naturally, the blob-like host merely trembled in fear.

"You cover your eyes now." the evil future-ghost smiled insanely, "Daddy's gonna tear this guy a new...well, I'll explain when you're older. Let's just say, it's very messy"

Sylvester squealed in delight as Danny covered the baby's eyes. Both Danny and Sam watch as Danny made two duplicates of himself to surround Bertrand. The deranged ghost then grinned maliciously like a child who broke his toys for the fun of it.

"Now, now." Bertrand gulped nervously, "I-I'm sure we can figure out some sort of deal. I mean...y-you look like a calm, rational, reasonable guy who wouldn't hurt a"

Of course, Bertrand's pleas for mercy were quickly replaced by a gut-wrenching and ear-splitting scream as Dan began his revenge for Sylvester being kidnapped. Dan then, despite being covered in ectoplasma while Bertrand weakly limped away, took Sylvester from Danny and gently held him in his arms.

"I never thought I'd say this." Sam mused, "But, Dan makes a pretty good father."

"It's odd, isn't it?" Danny nodded in agreement.

Sylvester babbled almost incoherently, "Ba...da...bada...Dada!"

The evil future-ghost smirked, "Yes, I'm your...um...Dada."

He then smiled gently and held Sylvester close to him.

"Dan, are you..." the goth girl asked.

He frowned in response, "I just got some dust in my eye. That's all."

Danny smirked, "You know, Dan, denial is not just a river in Egypt."

Growling in response, Dan then opened his mouth...

...And swallowed Danny whole.

"This is wrong on so many levels..." the half-ghost replied in absolute disgust.

**Author's Notes: Aww, isn't that sweet? Anyway, thanks for the reviews. The next part is coming soon.**


	9. To Frostbite's

**DISCLAIMER: Guess who Danny Phantom still belongs to? Yup, that's right, Butch Hartman. Though, I still own Sylvester and this fanfic. **

"Dan! This isn't funny!" Danny shouted from inside Dan's belly, "C'mon, spit me out now! Dan! DAN! I know you're still awake"

The evil future-ghost frowned, "Fine. You're giving me indigestion anyway"

He then began to hack and cough before throwing Danny back up. The half-ghost shuddered from being covered in slime. Sam's eyes were wide in absolute disgust and Sylvester squealed in delight.

"I'm definitely going to need a shower when we get home." he gagged.

Dan carried Sylvester and followed Sam and Danny. They were searching for a way back home. Or, at least a place to rest.

"Isn't that the Land Of The Far Frozen?" asked Sam upon noticing the barren frozen wasteland.

"Yeah," Danny nods, "it is. I bet we could rest there for a while"

The three of them headed into the frozen land. Naturally, Dan wrapped his cape around Sylvester to keep him warm.

"Ah, Great One." Frostbite greeted his visitors...especially Danny, "What brings you here on such short notice"

Danny replied, "We just need a place to rest. That's all"

"So be it. You may rest here until you have regained your strength. But, tell me, Great One. Who is the ghost that follows you and why does he bear your symbol?" answered the yeti-ghost upon noticing Dan.

"It's a long story." explained the half-ghost, "See, he's me in some twisted alternate-future. Though, since I changed my past and my future...he's now a separate person. Or...something like that. It's a bit more complicated than anything I can figure out"

Frostbite smiled, "Well, in any case, he's welcome to stay here"

"Thank you." Danny smiled as he, Sam, and Dan went into the guest room to get some rest.

"Go to sleep." Dan frowned as his son bounced up and down in the makeshift crib.

He sighed and picked up Sylvester before placing the baby on his gut. Immediately, the infant fell asleep on Dan's stomach.

"Great." the evil future-ghost frowned, "I've put on so much weight that my kid can use my bloated stomach as a bed. Fine, you sleep there...but just this ones. Ugh...this kid is making me soft...in more ways than one"

"I think it's cute." Sam smirked as she sat on one of the guest beds.

"I don't." Dan frowned, "I should've belched out all this extra fat by now. I'm supposed to be out destroying the world...not being my kid's pillow!"

Sylvester merely continued to sleep on his father's large belly.

"Though," the evil future-ghost admitted, "this extra weight is pretty comfy. Good thing I'm a ghost and I don't have to worry about weight-based health problems. It just makes me very...sleepy..."

He then fell asleep and started to snore loudly. Drool trickled from his lips and down his chin.

"Great," Danny frowned sarcastically, "now we'll never get any sleep.

**Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews. The next part is coming soon. Giggles Poor Dan...he makes a good pillow... **


	10. Father and Son

**DISCLAIMER: Read this and ye shall reveal that Butch Hartman be thy creator of Danny Phantom. I be creator of Sylvester and this fanfic ye are reading. There, now I ruined the English language with this over-used disclaimer. **

The group left Frostbite's lair the next morning. Danny, Sam, Dan, and Sylvester were now heading back towards the portal that led to Fenton Works. Thanks to the Infi-Map, they had a pretty good idea of where they were going. However, they still needed to stop and rest for a moment.

"Son," Dan spoke while he set Sylvester in his lap, "I'm going to teach you how to attack an innocent victim"

Sylvester merely babbled in response. It was rather obvious that he had no idea what his father was talking about. Of course, that didn't stop Dan anyway.

"Now, first...we need a victim." the evil future-ghost looked around searching for someone he could use as a victim, "Hmm, let's see. No, no, don't think so...I already beat my past-self enough as it is...gets boring after a while. No, wait...perfect"

"BEWARE!" a familiar voice rang out.

Dan quickly flew towards the source of the noise. He then returned while dragging the Box Ghost by his underpants. Apparently, it was possible to give a ghost a wedgie.

"Put me down!" said the cardboard-obsessed spirit, "For I am the Box Ghost"

"I know who you are. Every bloody person here knows who you are! So shut up!" Dan shouted.

Sylvester squealed in delight as his father flipped Box Ghost over and held him by the shirt.

"Now, my boy, there are two ways to torment the innocent." Dan explained, "The first way is to mess with their minds. Ya know, taunt them, threats, blackmail, scar them emotionally. However, since this guy is clearly a total idiot"

"HEY!" Box Ghost shouted sounding offended by the fact that he was called an idiot.

Dan frowned, "Do you mind? I'm trying to teach my son here"

Box Ghost replied sadly, "Sorry...beware"

"As I was saying." the evil future-ghost frowned, "Another way to torment an innocent victim is physically. This is far more fun and the end result is much more satisfying. Now, Sylvester, you may see some blood, broken bones, bruises, and other forms of physical pain that start with the letter 'B'. This is perfectly normal. And, observe"

He then begins to use Box Ghost as his own personal punching bag. Sylvester's giggles and squeals of delight mixed with Dan's insane laughter and Box Ghost's cries for mercy. The infant then crawled towards Box Ghost and bit him on the leg causing the cardboard-obsessed spirit to scream even louder.

"Like father, like son." Danny mused as he watched the whole thing.

**Author's Notes: Aww, isn't that cute? Dan makes such a good daddy...ironic, isn't it? Anyway, thanks for the reviews, everybody. Stay tuned for the next chapter.**


	11. Truth Revealed

**DISCLAIMER: I've run out of disclaimer jokes...**

"Is everyone ok?" Maddie asked when she noticed the group walk out of the portal.

"We're fine." Danny replied, "Though, I think Dan might need something for his indigestion"

Dan frowned, "I don't...hic...need any...hic...urp...medicine...hic"

He then clutched his belly and groaned before letting out a loud belch. A few small flames escaped from his mouth. His stomach rumbled and churned loudly.

"Daniel." frowned the ghost-hunting mother, "You shouldn't be making such rude noises around the kid"

"I...urp...can't...hic...urp...help...urp..." he groaned and belched again, "help it. These...urp...urp...emotions give me such bad gas"

"Well, in any case, you should probably take some antacids or something. And a breath mint. It's starting to smell like your father's bean burrito surprise in here"

Dan frowned in response. He didn't want to admit it, but, his ex-mother was right. Besides, he wasn't sure he'd be very threatening if he ended up having gas for all eternity.

"Here, hold him for a while." he handed Sylvester over to Maddie, "Oh, and don't hurt him...or else"

Maddie smiled and gently held Sylvester in her arms. She had always dreamed of having grandchildren. Of course, she never expected said grandchildren to be the offspring of an evil alternate-version of her son. However, she still loved the child dearly. Sylvester cooed and giggled in delight. Dan returned some time later looking a bit better than before.

"Feeling better?" asked Sam.

Dan nods, "Yeah. I think so"

"Say, Dan," spoke the half-ghost, "can I ask you something"

He looked over at his past-self and replied, "I guess. What"

"Well," Danny tired to figure out how to best ask his question, "I was just...wondering. Who is Sylvester's mother?

Sam's died in your timeline, so I know it can't be her. Y-You didn't...I mean"

"Please." scoffed Dan, "I do have some morality. I'd never sink so low. The person who decided to bear my child...so to speak...did so willingly. To be honest, I'm not even sure why I chose a mate. I suppose the instinctive desire to have a child to continue my legacy should something unfortunate happen to me was too strong for me to ignore"

"So, why doesn't the mother take care of her?" asked Sam.

Dan sighed, "Well, those papers that I read...the ones that said that I was Sylvester's biological father also stated that the mother died giving birth to him. I suppose a human mother...well...her body just couldn't handle it"

Danny's eyes widened in absolute shock. And, both Maddie and Sam had the same look of total disbelief on their faces.

"Y-You mean..." Maddie tried to force the words to come out of her mouth, "your son...i-is"

The evil future-ghost nodded slowly, "Sylvester is half-human"

"But, how did Sylvester end up here?" asked Danny, "He's from another univerrse...another timeline"

"I can explain that." a voice echoed in all directions.

A spiraling portal appeared as ClockWork emerged and made his way towards the others. His body shifted from that of an old man to a ten year-old child. Dan frowned slightly at the sight of the time-controling ghost.

"I should've known." Dan snarled in annoyance, "Can't you ever stay out of my life"

"Danny, who's this?" Maddie asked hoping it wasn't one of her son's countless enemies.

"Ah, where are my manners?" replied ClockWork, "My name is ClockWork. I am the master of all time and the keeper of all knowledge past, present, and future. I've been given the duty to watch over your son. To make sure he stays on the right path so that the time stream never falls apart"

"Ok..." the ghost-hunting mother tried to process all the information.

Sam asked, "So, you were the one who brought Sylvester here"

"Yes," answered the time-controling ghost, "and, I can see my plan worked perfectly"

Dan frowned, "Plan, what plan? I'm not your guinea pig"

"Allow me to explain," ClockWork sighed, "Dan, you lack compassion, understanding. You care only for yourself. Before Sylvester came along, you acted as if the world revolved around you"

Danny spoke, "I get it now. You brought Sylvester here so that Dan would learn to care for other people"

"You learn quickly." replied Clockwork while giving an all-knowing smile.

Dan frowned and grabbed Clockwork the throat, "Mess with me or my kid again and I'll pound your brains so hard you won't be able to tell your head from your ass."

He then dropped Clockwork onto the ground. The time-controlling ghost got up and dusted his cloak off.

"Of course," Clockwork spoke, "Dan has a most unusual way of showing love and compassion towards his child."

**Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews. The next part is coming soon. I just love Dan's fatherly side. It's so sweet...yet so twisted.**


	12. NotSoEducational TV

**DISCLAIMER: Danny PhantomButch Hartman. Dora The ExplorerNick Jr. Get it? **

"Um...what are we watching"

"I dunno." Dan replied while staring blankly at the television screen, "Some show called Dora The Explorer"

Danny spoke, "It's kind a creepy"

"I know. A six year old girl running around in the jungle with no parental supervision. Plus, what's with the monkey?" nods the evil future-ghost.

"What monkey"

Dan frowned, "That monkey that's always following her around. What's his name? Boots"

Sylvester sat in his father's lap and squealed in delight. He wasn't sure exactly what was going on. But, at least he was entertained.

"Is it just me, or is everybody on this show on Botox or something?" asked Danny, "Everybody's smiling all the time. I mean, even when there's a problem, they just keep on smiling"

"Maybe everyone's crazy in this show. It would explain why a child can run around in the jungle with a monkey and no parents"

The half-ghost replied, "Ya know, you got a point. Though, Sylvester seems to enjoy it"

Dan frowned, "That's what scares me"

The infant merely continued to watch and giggle in joy. Dan looked down at his child and sighed. Kids were so easily amused.

"Hey, it's that kleptomaniac fox again." mused Dan, "Ya know, I think he's the worst mugger ever. He can't even steal from a six-year old girl. That's just pathetic right there. A thief who can't steal from a child. The least he could do is punch her in the face and run off with the goods"

"Yeah, that's a great thing to teach children. How to steal from innocent people." replied Danny sarcastically.

**Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews everybody. The next part is coming soon. **


	13. Evil Yet Still Family

**DISCLAIMER: Blah, blah, blah, blah...why are you reading this? **

"In other news." the reporter spoke, "A mysterious psychotic ghost has been terrorizing Amity Park causing millions of dollars in damage. Many people have been seriously injured, but, fortunately, no deaths have been reported so far. On a more positive note, local hero Danny Phantom has arrived only moments before to combat the ghastly menace"

It had been a few weeks since Dan became a father. And, naturally, he went back to his old ways. Sure, it wasn't easy being a single parent...especially when that single parent is an insane ghost bent on destruction. Still, he had found a way to balance destroying the world and raising a child. Luckily for the ghostly father, his parents were willing to babysit the infant while he went off on his rampages.

"Great, he's got a full stomach." Danny frowned upon noticing Dan's engorged form, "Hey, Lard-Butt! Over here"

Dan sneered in response and belched up a huge blast of fire at the half-ghost. Fortunately for Danny, he was able to put out the flames by using his ice-powrs. The two spirits continued to exchange blow after blow. Both Dan and Danny were evenly matched.

"This is getting us nowhere." Dan frowned.

Danny replied, "Well, what do you suggest we do"

"I know." Dan shot an ecto-blast sending his past-self crashing into the street below, "How about you stay out of my way while I destroy the world? Sounds like a good deal, hmm? What do ya say"

The half-ghost retaliated and fired an ecto-blast back at Dan. He then floated up into the air until he was face to face with the bloated poltergeist. Dan grinned evilly and belched up more fire at Danny.

"You're gonna waste your fuel source." Danny smirked noticing Dan's large belly starting to shrink.

Dan replied, "I told you. I don't need my fire-breath to defeat you"

He then took a deep breath and unleashed the ghostly-wail. Danny was sent flying back and crashed into a telephone pole. Groaning weakly, the half-gost slowly got back to his feet.

The evil future-ghost smirked, "Told you so"

Of course, Dan had, once again, underestimated his past-self. Danny managed to sneak behind Dan, grab him by the legs, and pull him down a manhole until the twisted ghost was stuck.

"That should take care of you. But, just to make sure you can't use your ghost-powers to escape." Danny spoke while tricking Dan into drinking the Ecto-Soda, "I'll just have you drink this"

"Ugh..." Dan groaned, "Great, now I got the taste of earwax in my mouth and I have indigestion...again."

Danny spoke as he flew off, "Don't worry. It'll wear off in a few hours. Oh, and mom says we're having chicken for dinner tonight. Just, don't try to eat our family this time..."

"Oh, I swallow all of you whole ONE time and you can't just let it go." Dan rolled his eyes, "At least I barfed everyone up afterwards."

**Author's Notes: Again, thanks for the reviews. The next part is coming soon.**


	14. Hello Dolly

**DISCLAIMER: DP belongs to BH. This fanfic and Sylvester belongs to me. **

"This is humiliating"

Dan had been turned into a plush toy. Yup, a giant stuffed animal version of himself. A doll, a plaything, a big blob of stuffing and fabric. To say the least, it really did nothing for his reputation as an evil psychopath.

Jazz smirked, "I think it's sweet"

"I am an evil monster!" Dan shouted in annoyance, "Not some plaything for a child! And would you stop hugging me"

"Sorry, dear." Maddie spoke before letting go of Dan, "It's just that you're so cute with your cute paw-like hands and your big round tummy"

"Mom," the older-sister pointed out, "Dan had a big round tummy before he was turned into a doll. Remember, he ate all the food at dinner"

Sighing, the evil future-ghost spoke, "How was I suppose to know that Desiree spoke baby? I didn't even know that was an actual language"

"Don't worry." Maddie spoke before hugging Dan again, "We'll find her and get her to change you back to normal"

Dan, oddly enough, let out a squeak as his ex-mother hugged him. He wasn't sure if that his doll-form was supposed to squeak, or if he just had some gas. Sylvester then crawled towards his father and, naturally, began drooling all over him.

"Again, I state...this is humiliating." groaned the twisted ghost.

Sylvester merely giggled and squealed with joy while snuggling against his father's rounded belly. Yet, it wasn't long before, once again, the baby had fallen asleep as he rested his head against Dan's large gut.

"This is so sweet..." Maddie spoke.

Jazz nods, "I'll go get the camera"

Dan merely sighed, "Even as a plush toy, my kid thinks my gut is a pillow..."

**Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews. And, yes, Dan will be stuck in his doll-form for a few more chapters. Stay tuned to find out what happens next. **


	15. Insanity Thy Name Is Dan

**DISCLAIMER: What? You still haven't figured this part out yet?  
**

Dan was bored. Which, in simple terms, wasn't a pretty sight to say the least. Since he had been turned into a doll and was no longer at threat to anything, except maybe ants, Dan could no longer find anything to destroy. And, since he had nothing to destroy, he had to find other ways to amuse himself. Apparently, to Dan, amusing himself also meant dancing around with a lampshade on his head.

"Dan, stop that right now!" Maddie shouted.

"La! La! La! La! La!" the twisted ghost continued to dance around while giggling insanely, "I love pancakes...Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes"

He then began to laugh insanely before running off towards the kitchen. Maddie sighed and followed her ex-son. For  
someone with short legs, Dan certainly could move rather quickly. The insane ghost then climbed onto the counter and began tossing tomatoes in random directions.

"Mom, I...AHH!" Jazz barely dodged a tomato heading in her direction, "I see Dan's still hyper"

"Unfortunately." Maddie sighed hoping that Dan would grow tired and fall asleep, "What did you need, dear"

The older-sister answered, "Danny just called. He said that he's currently on the hunt for Desiree but he has no idea where to look. Oh, and Sylvester is with him as well"

"Desiree is probably long gone by now." Dan spoke after finally calming down a bit, "She's not the type to stick around in one place for too long"

"Then, where would she most likely go?" asked Jazz.

Pausing for a moment, the evil ghost replied, "Simple, she'll go where ever there's a lot of people making wishes"

Maddie gasped in realization, "Wally Walrus Pizza Party"

"Of course." nodded the older-sister, "With that many children there, it's bound to be her next target."

**Author's Notes: Wally Walrus? Man, what was I thinking? Anyway, thanks for the reviews. Stay tuned for the next chapter. **


	16. Painful Situations

**DISCLAIMER: I only own this fanfic and Sylvester. Everything else belongs to Butch Hartman...or a giant chicken named Steve...I forget which... **

"That's it, children. Keep wishing." Desiree laughed evilly as she grew more powerful with each wish the children made.

Wally Walrus's Pizza Place was, for the lack of a better word, a total disaster area. The floor was now made of a spongy-material that allowed the children to bounce around as they pleased. All of the animatronic characters had been brought to life. And, if things weren't crazy enough, the tables and chairs had all been turned into pizza.

"Wow, you're really bad with children." Danny spoke before punching Desiree from behind.

"YAY!" Several children cheered, "It's Danny! YAY Danny"

"Kids," the half-ghost spoke in a stern voice, "you need to leave now. It's too dangerous"

The children pouted for a moment, but quickly left after a stray ecto-blast from Desiree nearly got them burnt to a crisp. Sighing in relief, Danny quickly got back to work fighting against the ghostly genie.

"Look, all I want is for you to change Dan and everything else back to normal." Danny spoke, "I know you cannot refuse any wish or desire from anybody"

Desiree frowned in response, "Very well. So as you wished it, so shall it be"

She then used her powers to return everything back to normal. However, the genie-ghost then tried to make her escape.

"You haven't seen the last of...ARGH!" Desiree screamed in pain.

Danny couldn't keep himself from chortling at the sight. Chewing on Desiree's ghostly tail was none other than Sylvester. His tiny fangs dug into the wish-granting spirit's tail as she winced in pain and struggled to break free. Unfortunately for her, Danny had managed to imprison her in a thermos after Sylvester had let go.

The half-ghost smirked and picked up the child, "You really are Dan's kid"

He then gently carried the kid and flew back home. Turning them both intangible, Danny held Sylvester as they floated gently into Fenton Works. The half-ghost silently hoped that things were back to normal, or, as normal as things got around home.

"Mom?" called the half-ghost, "Jazz? Dan? Is anybody home...and not a talking doll"

A soft groan and a loud belch was heard in the kitchen followed by the smell of something burning. The sound caused Sylvester to giggle and squeal with joy. Quickly heading into the kitchen, Danny noticed a horribly-bloated Dan lying flat on his back on the kitchen floor.

"Well, at least we know Dan's back to normal." sighed Danny.

"Just shut up and help me." Dan frowned in response.

The half-ghost smirked, "I'd love to, but my doctor said I should avoid lifting heavy objects"

Of course, Danny regretted saying that moments later. Smirking evilly, Dan managed to stand up and walk up to the half-ghost before promptly sitting on his past-self. Danny groaned in pain as his evil alternate-self's massive form continued to crush the halfa's lungs.

"I can't breathe..." he groaned under Dan's weight.

**Author's Notes: Oh, Danny. When are you ever gonna learn NOT to make fun of Dan's chubbiness? (Pokes Dan's tummy only to be hit by an ecto-blast) Anyway, thanks for the reviews. The next part is coming soon... **


	17. Jealousy

**DISCLAIMER: Bean beans...Oh, wait... **

"I still can't believe it." Danny spoke.

"That you're only fourteen and yet your have to save the world on a daily basis?" asked Jazz.

"No, that Dan's a father." replied the half-ghost. "I mean, he's evil, insane, cruel, heartless, twisted"

Jazz replied, "He seems to being doing pretty well so far"

"Um, Jazz, " Danny pointed out, "Dan carried Sylvester home...IN HIS MOUTH"

Dan frowned, "I can hear you, ya know"

He was busy rocking Sylvester to sleep. The infant clung tightly to Dan's costume as he slowly fell asleep. Dan merely gave a slight smirk in response.

"Oh, I get it." smirked the older-sister, "You're jealous of Dan, aren't you"

The half-ghost blinked in shock, "Me? Jealous of Dan? He's a 400 pound monster"

Dan glared at Danny, "One, I'm not that fat. I only weigh about 385 pounds. Second, be quiet. My son's trying to take a nap"

Danny rolled his eyes in response, "Whatever. But, I'm still not jealous"

Frowning, the half-ghost then gets up from his seat and left. Dan and Jazz silently watched as Danny vanished from view.

"He'll be back." mused the evil future-ghost, "And, when he does"

Jazz replied, "Dan, you can't eat Danny. Besides, he needs some time alone. He's clearly jealous of you"

Dan shrugged in response, "Let him. More fun for me watching him suffer."

**Author's Notes: Man, it took me a long time to update this story, didn't it? Anyway, the final chapter is after this one. So, stay tuned! **


End file.
